The Kiwi Vine
The flamboyant male kiwi vine on the garage deck had become unruly, tender tendrils shooting ebulliently outwards and upwards into the Spring. This bad boy grows 12-15 feet in a year and is everywhere aggressive. Its leaves, decked out in party colors of mottled pink, white and green, fairly sparkle in the morning sun, his loud declarations shouting “Look at me! My flowers are nearly here!”
The tendrils of Actinidia kolomikta harden as they age, becoming tough and woody. It’s difficult to imagine that that blackened, rough bark will give rise to tender buds and those gorgeous, tender leaves come Spring, but there you are, yet another plant surprise.
On the opposing side of the deck, in what I had thought was far better sun and growth conditions, the female remains demure, her green leaves discreet, her stature diminutive. She’s the one we want, the male is all for show, yet he’s the showstopper, self-advertising non-stop. While her small naked berries will delight us come summer, for now, no one notices her growing quietly there. Except me; I am there, shears and zip-ties in hand, to shape and tame the unruly male and try to give his mate some space.
My game plan is to shape a vertical basket weave of the vines to create a natural privacy screen in order to shield us from passersby on the street immediately below. It’s early in the Spring so the male’s shoots are pliant with running sap - I still have time to wrestle with him. Hat on head and thick gloves on, I grip my shears and get to work.
I thought about bamboo poles and rebar, but those are not needed if the zip-ties work and if I am strong enough and clever enough to weave the older growth together. The natural weave will look better too and do far less damage to the powder coating on the fence.
I grab, pinch, pull and wrestle the male into shape. I have to zip tie from the middle, to the top, to the bottom, and back again, reaching into and through the entire thicket of unruly vine to narrow the width of the trellis I am making. I sometimes use as many as 5 zip ties to form a single arch. Only 14” ties will do - it’s that thick and tough. I am happy for my long shirt and thick gloves. It’s not perfect, but as I move up from the bottom, the figure eights I imagined roughly take shape. I center the verticals on the fence posts and the 8’s in the middle. It takes a lot of force, this kiwi boy is strong. I step back and check the symmetry of the design and the overall look. It’s lookin’ good, I’d hire me to do this!
It’s now mid-morning and I’ve worked my way to the middle of the trellis. The vine is thick here. I’m getting more bold. Dang, a vine snaps back and hits me in the face. I settle my hat back down onto my head and keep going.
After a few minutes I feel something wet on the right side of my face. I remove my glove, sticking it into my pants pocket, and wipe the wetness off my cheek with my bare hand. It’s blood. “Oh well”, I think “I do bruise easily.” It really smacked me hard. That’s going to bruise, but good. I put my glove back on and keep working.
About 10’ later, the blood is annoying me again. “I know,” I say to myself, “I’ll get S. to take a look at it for me. He’s a first year med student and he needs practice. This will be perfect!” I’m ready for a water break anyway so I pocket my shears and go inside.
****
“Can you help me for a moment?” I asked, stepping into his room. “I seem to be bleeding and would like you to take a look at it for me.”
He looked up from his text book and peered at my face.
“Mom, I need you to come with me to the bathroom now, quietly and quickly.” It was not a question, rather a firm command. “Ah,” I thought to myself delightedly, “my son is going to have a fine bedside manner!!” Taking my hand firmly and gently, he led me down the hall. I smiled as I walked obediently along.
“Hold very still,” he said as he sat me down on the toilet. He grabbed my eyelashes and pulled my right eyelid up and away from my eye.
“Mom, a large rose thorn has impaled your eyelid. I’m now going to try to remove it.”
…to be continued
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Cover Image by: GLady, 2014, "Rattan, Basket, Decorative image". Source: Pixabay
